Writing and Truth

Jacob Banco

November 8, 2009

The Blog Adaptation of:

Spots

 

I need more calcium in my diet so I’ve been remembering the past.

Remembering when I wore boxer shorts and went up against god and lost – mercilessly and humiliatingly.

I fell in love with a Jehovah’s Witness and tried to have sex with her.

God protects his own, and I would be considered a heathen in certain, small circles in which he operates. Nevertheless, I need more calcium in my diet and I’m thinking about grinding eggshells and drinking them in my tea.

I saw Marta drink this concoction during my numerous visits before my hellish last night. It was do or die for me and I brought her flowers, but soon enough I had eleven spots in my crotch. They weren’t ejaculate, but they definitely came from my penis. She saw them and her eyes grew wide and that was it. Fucking khaki pants!

I saw her once after that. It was… uneventful.

I’ll never forget the crushed eggshell tea I’d never gotten to drink with her.

She said they came from blessed chickens or some bullshit from her aunt’s farm.

The point is that I need more calcium in my diet and I don’t think it’s crazy, but why in Satan’s anus does everyone I tell this to look at me like I’m contagious?

JB-mmviii

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Jacob Banco is chief field correspondent at Narwhal.